FAQ: Should I Talk About Porn With Those I Date?

Should I talk about porn with those I date? 

Yes.   Everyone has been exposed to pron.  It’s important to know how the person you’re dating deals with the fact that pornography is so prevalent, accessible and normalized in our society.  Discussing porn with those we date allows us to ascertain another’s history of porn exposure, their patterns of consumption and their attitudes toward actively seeking out porn or actively seeking ways to protect them from it. 

Opening up communication and establishing mutual expectations can help guide your relationship decisions.  When developing a serious relationship, discussing porn can help establish rules to protect your relationship and future family. 

When should I approach the subject? 

Porn is a sensitive topic.  If a person has a porn problem it’s difficult to come forward and admit because it’s so shameful.  Who in our LDS culture wants to admit they have a problem with porn?  Therefore it’s important to approach the topic with openness and sensitivity.  It’s also important to discuss porn early on before you become too emotionally committed to the relationship.  Porn should be brought up on more than one occasion. Often it takes some time and trust to fully disclose one’s history with porn. Closeness and relationship expectations can guide these questions. 

How should I bring it up?  What should I say? 

Share the importance of open communication and how much you care for the other person and want your relationship to be healthy and good.  Just bring up the need to discuss pornography despite the awkwardness of the topic.  You too, must be willing to share your history with porn and your exposure, consumption and attitudes towards it.  Share the actions you have taken to address a porn problem or to keep yourself safe from it. 

Some useful questions you might ask when you address the topic are:

• How have you been exposed to porn?  How were you introduced to porn?
• How young were you when you were first exposed? 
• Have you ever actively sought out porn?
• If so, what was the frequency and surrounding circumstances?
• When did you last seek porn?
• Do you view porn as a problem in your life?
• What actions have you taken to stop or to protect yourself from porn in the past?  What measures are you currently taking to protect yourself?  How do you plan to protect yourself in the future?
• If you have a porn problem, what are you doing to overcome it? 
• What have you found to be the most helpful to you in overcoming it?
• How can others support you?