Tuesday, August 7, 2012

If a guy tells me he has a problem, what should I do?


If a guy tells me he has a problem, what should I do?  Should I tell someone?
   
Holding a secret like someone else’s pornography addiction on your own can be pretty overwhelming.  However, if you want to keep this friend/boyfriend around in your life, it’s important that you maintain confidentiality.  It will be helpful if you encourage them to talk with their bishop and attend addiction recovery groups and counseling.  It will also be helpful for you to set up some boundaries with them so they don’t end up using you as their counselor.  Asking them to please talk to their bishop, counselor or support group about it and letting them know you are there to support them and help them get the help that they need, but that you can’t take the burden away from them in the same way a bishop or therapist can.  You also need to remember that you can’t fix their problem.  You can encourage them and love them and support them, but they are accountable to their own choices and you can only make choices for yourself.

It might be helpful for you also to go to a counselor, bishop or support group yourself as to not have to carry the burden of someone else’s struggle on your own.  Talking to a bishop, counselor or support group is not breaking the trust of the person who told you, as long as you refrain from using names and identifying features.  

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