Should I
approach guys and ask them straightforwardly or should I wait for them to tell
me?
There comes a point in every romantic/dating
relationship where it’s important to learn about the other person’s sexual
history, and that includes pornography. It’s fair, at this point to ask
about it, however, there has to be a lot of trust in the relationship as well
as openness and understanding for someone to be willing to talk about their
pornography addiction. For some who are struggling with pornography
addictions, there is so much shame and/or denial that sometimes trust, openness
and understanding are not enough for them to admit to a pornography addiction.
It’s a very delicate subject, and one that would be brought up with care
and concern. Going up to all your friends in a public place and demanding
that they tell you whether or not they’ve looked at porn probably isn’t isn’t
the best way to go about it. However, finding some quiet time alone to
ask about their experience with pornography in an understanding way could make
it seem safe enough to talk about.
If you wait for
them to tell you about it, it may never happen and you could be left wondering
for years. Especially if this person is going to be an important part of
your life, like a spouse or a serious boyfriend, it’s better to ask to relieve
all worries or doubts in the back of your mind. However, if you’re not
prepared to hear that this someone is addicted to pornography, it’s better not
to ask. Your reaction to their confession may push them deeper into their
addiction, and destroy your relationship with them. It’s important to
wait until you’re ready, the situation is ready, the relationship is ready and
the other person is ready. It might be helpful to let the person know
that you want to ask them about their experience with sexuality and pornography
and that they can let you know when they are ready to talk about it.
