Friday, June 15, 2012

Should I get involved with someone who has a pornography addiction?

Should I get involved with someone with an addiction?  If I do, how should I show support? If not, will that make things worse?
    You have to make a decision for yourself as to what you can handle, and what you cannot. Maybe you can handle dating a guy who is working through an addiction to porn, but you can’t handle someone who picks his nose in public. Maybe you’re not alright with a guy who uses porn, but you are okay with a guy who flirts with other girls. Marriage is a crapshoot.  Everyone is imperfect, and everyone is deserving of love. God can help you overcome your limits and conditions for loving, but it’s hard work, and sometimes not what God has in mind for you at the time.  Heavenly Father knows will guide us to make the best decisions for our lives.  There is no shame in choosing not to be with someone because they are struggling with an addiction; It is a difficult road. However, sometimes the most difficult roads lead you to the most rewarding destinations.  
    Showing support for those struggling with addictions can be difficult because it is so triggering of our insecurities.  Although it may be difficult, being patient, loving and non-reactive will be very helpful to your loved ones.  There are groups available for loved ones of those struggling with addictions and can be found now on the lds.org site at  http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/find-a-meeting?lang=eng  and also through searching for addiction recovery programs in your area via an internet search engine.  These groups give helpful tips in how to deal with/work with/love/trust/and be a loved one of someone with an addiction.  What each person needs in a relationship will be different, asking your loved one what they want and need from you will open a helpful dialog.  Encouraging them to go to meetings, seeking guidance and help from their bishops, and reminding them to rely on the Lord are also great ways to show your support.  Going to groups and asking for help can be shameful, scary and embarrassing, but it is exactly what they need to work through their addiction.  Supporting and encouraging their attendance at meetings, and their meetings with bishops and counselors will help them feel less alone in the process.

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