The P-Word Blog

 Does every guy have a "porn problem"?

Am I being unrealistic thinking it’s possible to find a guy who doesn’t have a porn problem?

 

It depends on how you define “porn problem.” Most men and women have seen pornographic images, read pornographic texts, and heard pornographic lyrics or sounds.  A lot of men and women have sought out pornographic images, texts, and audio and some have accidentally stumbled upon them.  Very few of us will get through this life without being exposed to porn. Our responsibility lies in not letting those images, texts, and audio become a problem and not letting them become something that is used to purposefully stimulate ourselves.  Stimulation is enjoyable, as it should be, but the great pleasure it brings so easily and rapidly, can be difficult to avoid, particularly for males whose brain circuitry is geared toward attaining sexual gratification.

 So, no it’s not unrealistic to think you can find a guy without a porn problem, but it’s important to recognize that the way they view pornography and the way we view pornography is going to be fundamentally different. Men and women are not stimulated in the same way or by the same things, which can lead to judgmental attitudes on both sides.  Men are visually stimulated and are taught to seek out the things they want, whereas women are emotionally stimulated and are taught to wait for the things they want.  This is not always the case, but in general, these differences in biology and social upbringing change the way we view ourselves and others sexually.  This makes men more susceptible to pornography use and addictions.  Our differences can be frustrating at times, but they ultimately make us more compatible and helpful for each other.

Thus, it’s important that you talk about your questions, concerns, preferences and expectations when dating.  You can find a balance between the extremes of expecting to find a boyfriend or spouse who has never looked at porn ---- to accepting that probably everyone one has a “porn problem.”  People can be exposed to porn without developing a “porn problem” and people who have a “porn problem” can overcome it.  If your expectation is to have a relationship free of porn, determine if your partner feels the same way and discuss how you can support one another in achieving that goal.